Help I’ve Been Outdrawn!!!So my girlfriend dumped me a month ago or so, just before my birthday. The reasons she gave were really poor, hardly the kind of thing you would dump someone for out of the blue after 3 years without talking about it first. I realized afterwards that her reasons were probably just a smokescreen for whatever the real reason is. I had a couple friends who thought the same thing, which gave me some comfort that I wasn’t just being paranoid.
Her breaking up with me was especially surprising since she has been, well all I can think to describe it is being a cunt, so until I can be less emotional and more intellectual that’s the word I have to use. So she’s been a cunt for about the last year and I have been putting up with her and trying to help her through some issues she has. So if anyone was going to break up with someone it should have been me breaking up with her.
So now I am torturing myself wondering what the real reason is that she broke up with me. I can’t help but think that she must have cheated or something. Would explain why, when she would get drunk, she was always on my case thinking I’m hitting on other chicks. Her own guilt was getting put onto me? With this eating away at me I am pretty angry these days, have trouble sleeping, I’m hurt, etc.
I haven’t really spoken to her since the break-up. I guess the best thing for me would be to email her and ask her to give me the straight goods about the break-up. Except I do not want to give her the pleasure of me coming to her grovelling on my knees, of me . I guess this is the normal post-break-up stand-off where the first one to make a move feels like they have lost the duel, pretty childish I guess. Reminds me of Leonard Cohen’s line from his song Hallelujah “all I ever learned from love is how to shoot at someone who outdrew you”. I’d love to duke it out and throw hurtful comments at each other. Somehow I think that would be satisfying in some way, kind of cathartic (one of my favourite words by the way!). Crap, unfortunately I have this thing where I have to be the bigger person and always do the right thing.
So, what, do I really have to contact her and get this over with? What do you think?
PS: since it is July 1 today, happy Dominion Day Canada!!
Her breaking up with me was especially surprising since she has been, well all I can think to describe it is being a cunt, so until I can be less emotional and more intellectual that’s the word I have to use. So she’s been a cunt for about the last year and I have been putting up with her and trying to help her through some issues she has. So if anyone was going to break up with someone it should have been me breaking up with her.
So now I am torturing myself wondering what the real reason is that she broke up with me. I can’t help but think that she must have cheated or something. Would explain why, when she would get drunk, she was always on my case thinking I’m hitting on other chicks. Her own guilt was getting put onto me? With this eating away at me I am pretty angry these days, have trouble sleeping, I’m hurt, etc.
I haven’t really spoken to her since the break-up. I guess the best thing for me would be to email her and ask her to give me the straight goods about the break-up. Except I do not want to give her the pleasure of me coming to her grovelling on my knees, of me . I guess this is the normal post-break-up stand-off where the first one to make a move feels like they have lost the duel, pretty childish I guess. Reminds me of Leonard Cohen’s line from his song Hallelujah “all I ever learned from love is how to shoot at someone who outdrew you”. I’d love to duke it out and throw hurtful comments at each other. Somehow I think that would be satisfying in some way, kind of cathartic (one of my favourite words by the way!). Crap, unfortunately I have this thing where I have to be the bigger person and always do the right thing.
So, what, do I really have to contact her and get this over with? What do you think?
PS: since it is July 1 today, happy Dominion Day Canada!!
3 comments:
Sometimes re-visiting past relationships can remind you of old feelings and cause you more hurt. Sometimes they can bring you closure. I don't think you need to call this woman...but if you want to, go for it. (I'm sure that was bad advice because it didn't give you an answer one way or the other...oops)
Yah I totally know what you mean Shay. It could go either way. If I do it I will do it by email instead of the phone to make it as impersonal as possible and as short & sweet as can be.
This stuff is really tough. It's hard to see clearly when your in the midst of it, but from an outsider's perspective, it often seems better to just move on. Do you really, really want to know the real reason? Would it really help? I vote for blogging out your frustrations instead. "Cathartic". Great word. One of my all-time favorites as well. Cathartic blogging...it works for me...
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